Clinically reviewed by FOLX Therapist Michael
The holidays can be joyful, complicated, or both at once. As gatherings and expectations roll in, it helps to plan ahead—especially if you’re navigating mixed family dynamics, travel, financial pressure, or the simple reality that this time of year can amplify stress. What follows is a warm, practical guide to protect your peace, connect with chosen family, and support your mental health all season long.
If you’re seeing family of origin
Not all families are affirming. If you decide to attend a gathering, go in with a plan designed to reduce stress and keep you safe. Consider your thresholds in advance: what you can tolerate, and what will be a hard stop. Think through logistics like driving yourself, staying with a friend or at a hotel instead of in a childhood bedroom, and having a simple cue with a partner or friend that means “time to go.” It’s also helpful to ask someone you trust to be “on call” for a supportive text or quick phone break if you need to step outside.
Boundaries are easier to keep when you’ve practiced them. Rehearse short, neutral statements so you’re not caught off guard. For names and pronouns, you might say, “I go by [Name] and use [pronouns]. Please use those with me.” If someone pushes into medical privacy, “My medical history isn’t up for discussion,” is clear and complete. If politics or identity debates surface, try, “I’m not discussing that today—let’s keep this gathering light.” And if you need to exit a conversation entirely: “I’m stepping outside for some air. Happy to reconnect later.” A supportive relative can be an invaluable ally: someone who repeats your name/pronouns, redirects uncomfortable conversations, or helps you make a graceful exit.
Small grounding objects can help, too. Keep a ring, a smooth stone, a photo, or a folded note in your pocket with a short affirmation like, “I am loved; my identity is valid.” Touching or reading it during a tense moment can bring you back to yourself.
Celebrate with chosen family
Chosen family often provides the unconditional care we need. Make plans that are intentional and low-pressure: a Friendsgiving, ornament-making afternoon, campy holiday movie night, or a brunch where everyone brings something easy. If distance or health keeps you home, consider virtual rituals such as a warm drink hour on video, a group chat check-in after events, or streaming the same movie together and commenting as you go.
Traditions don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Many people find it helpful to center meaning over materials: bake something simple, share pre-loved books or decor in a swap, take a walk to see neighborhood lights, or set a day to decorate while playing favorite music. If you’re able, volunteering with friends at an LGBTQIA+ center or mutual-aid drive can also bring connection and purpose when emotions run high.
Keep the focus on meaning, not perfection
It’s okay to scale down. The checklist mindset can unintentionally feed stress, so ask, “What would feel good enough this year?” Sometimes the answer is a single movie night, a low-lift potluck, or a phone call with someone who gets you. Consider creating one small ritual that reflects you—an ornament shelf, a garland by the window, a holiday tee or sweater you love, or a short playlist you press play on every morning for the season. The point is not performance; it’s nourishment.
A Pocket-Sized Mental Health Toolkit
When the holiday season starts to feel overwhelming, it helps to have a few simple tools ready to go. Think of this as your portable mental health kit—something you can keep in your Notes app or wallet and pull up anytime you need a quick reset.
Build a one-page “coping card” with 6–8 quick actions you know help you regulate. These can be simple, low-effort steps such as:
- Step outside for a few minutes of fresh air or sunlight.
- Eat something small—yes, even toast counts.
- Drink a glass of water.
- Text a friend and send a “green check” once you’ve done a coping step.
- Put your phone on airplane mode for ten minutes.
- Stretch for sixty seconds.
- Resume your nightly routine—wash your face, take meds, and unwind.
Grounding techniques can also be done anywhere and don’t require an app or equipment. The 5-4-3-2-1 method—naming five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste—can anchor you in the present. If that feels too structured, Rainbow grounding (finding one object for each color of the rainbow) or a temperature reset (cool water on your face or holding a cold glass to your neck) can work just as well.
Social media can be both comforting and triggering during the holidays. If scrolling brings up comparison, grief, or frustration, take mindful breaks. Move apps off your home screen, set time limits, or temporarily mute accounts that spike distress. You can always re-add them later. Protecting your attention isn’t avoidance—it’s self-care.
Finally, don’t underestimate your body’s role in supporting your mental health. Keep your medications consistent, including HRT and mental health prescriptions. Stick to a flexible sleep routine with familiar wind-down steps, and make sure you’re eating and hydrating regularly. Even a five-minute walk or gentle stretch can shift your mood more than you might expect.
Quick scripts for tricky moments
- Deadnaming: “It’s [Name]. I’ve reminded you a few times—please respect that.”
- Politics bait: “I’m not debating today. Let’s keep this gathering light.”
- Escalation: “I’m leaving now. We can revisit when it’s respectful.”
You deserve support
If the holidays stir up more than you can or want to hold alone, LGBTQIA+-affirming therapists can help you plan, role-play boundary setting, and build skills for the season ahead. You don’t have to carry this by yourself.
Plus find your peers 24/7 in the FOLX Community Platform.
